Waltz of the Right Wing Paper Dolls

"The Captain Said That, Right?"

2012-01-27T09:08:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Wong Fei Hung.

So...

Obama is the charming hero/love interest who is doomed by the horrific incompetence of the powers that be?

Or Muir forgot who said that in the damn movie?

"Genghis Khan Is The Essence Of Conservatism!"

2012-01-26T08:26:00.001-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because the sound of your footsteps.

That's a humourously revealing choice on Muir's part, which suggests that Muir sees society not as a cooperative effort but as a competition. Which of course, explains a lot.

Oh, and obviously, Muir apparently thinks Damon would be a popular choice in a better world. So let's all soak in the crazy, shall we?

"Liar! Everyone Knows You Are A Islamocommusociafascist KENYAN!"

2012-01-25T08:07:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Days of Days! Because behind a mask.

"Dumb evil President! And those dumb evil unions! When we get rid of those, we shall live in a corporate paradise! *hic* With flesh-eating unicorns..."

"Ha! Take That Elitist Leftist Media!"

2012-01-24T06:52:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because is Germany the Alabama of Europe?

As Muir gloats over the death of print media, let us all remember what a putz he is.

And now, let us go on with our lives.

He Even Fails At Porn...

2012-01-23T07:31:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because indstinguishable from magic.

...

...

Yeah.

"The Fact That Everything Does Not Automatically Agree With Us Proves It Is Conspiring Against Us!"

2012-01-22T08:52:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because hullaballoo.

...

Wow. Muir's levels of delusion have reached exciting new levels of crazy. I mean--this is starting to hit Phil Dick levels, only without the lurking awareness in the background that one might be completely insane...

"These Things That Disproved What I Said Only Prove Them More!"

2012-01-21T11:51:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because whoa, Nelly.

...

...

...

Yeah. Muir's ability at logic is hampered by his inability to get what words mean.

And The Tortured Metaphor Continues!

2012-01-20T08:13:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because of course Henry the Horse dances the waltz.

This is only going to get more painful, isn't it?

Two Things That Muir Doesn't Get.

2012-01-19T09:40:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because the Left Banke.

Muir really can manage to make any topic he talks about seem creepy, can't he?

His Stopped Clock Moment.

2012-01-18T10:39:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because they taste like candy.

Wow, the SOPA protest has done more good. No Muir drawing today! Huzzah!

"The Interweb Will Let Us Build A Ladder To The Moon!"

2012-01-17T09:52:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because you bought the Six Million Dollar Man. And then he ran away.

...

...

I think he finally snapped.

Even by his standards.

"Our Pure Evil Must Be Satiated!"

2012-01-16T09:23:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because magical thinking!

Yeah. Muir--most people don't like Palin. This is why she isn't running... Ehh, nevermind. At least this craziness is entertaining.

"She Could So Kick His Ass!"

2012-01-15T09:15:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because he is Franz Kafka.

...Wow. Muir is clinging to Snowflake Snooki the way Hank Venture clings to Batman. And now that I've maxed out my pop culture references, let me add for those of us actually dealing with snowfall--Muir's 'suck it up, bitches' attitude from the sunny beaches of Florida is another demonstration of that blustery, substanceless machismo that defines the worm.

"I Have Always Been Able To Rely On The Hidden Gold Of The Nubian Princes!"

2012-01-14T09:58:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because she's beautiful though.

Of course, once again, Obama actually can boast of middle class origins, and has worked for his living. Muir apparently thinks he's a typical Republican.

"Those Koreans Would Have Poured Over Our Border!"

2012-01-13T07:55:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because dispatch.

And now Muir approvingly notes a UN action undertaken by a Democratic President. Oh, Muir--will you ever learn--to actually read your history books?

"Ready The Death Ray!"

2012-01-12T08:20:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because where it's at.

As Muir's "President Blacula" Obama rants like he was freaking Doctor Doom, it's time to note that once again, Muir has mentioned an honest-to-goodness card-carrying Socialist approvingly. He really needs to actually read his history.

"Hmmm... I Guess My Husband's Raging Psychosis Is A Drawback!"

2012-01-11T08:27:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Days of Days! Because the second hundred years.

Even Muir seems to be vaguely aware that Damon isn't exactly an ideal political candidate, though as usual, he blames the media for not likeing rude asshats.

...Ernest Borgnine?

2012-01-10T08:13:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because along came Jones.

...

I'd comment on Muir's typical 'they're all against us' ramblings, but the sight of his twisted Stephanopolis caricature has simply reiterated that Muir can't draw.

"They Don't Want To Know The Truth! But Together, We Can Beat The Chimerans!"

2012-01-09T08:20:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because tabasco sauce.

And Damon continues to transmogify into Candidate Ripper. Huzzah!

"And I'm Also Running To Protect Our Precious Bodily Fluids!"

2012-01-08T08:06:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because hold tight count of three.

Of course in the real world, a performance like that would land Damon in the bottomfeeders, but this is the Muirverse...

"And That's Why It's Okay To Squirt Hairspray In Rabbit's Eyes!"

2012-01-07T08:44:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because my hat says yes.

Of course, there isn't a more nuanced view possible. NOPE! Either we're engaging in vivisection, or we're going extinct. Those are your choices! Now--YES OR NO!

"You Are Hurting Russian Guyovitch's Head!"

2012-01-06T12:06:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because a horse is a horse, of course, of course.

Well, Muir still can't draw Russian Guyovitch the same way twice--but he's still the closest thing to a likable character that Muir has ever created.

"This Is Clearly The Gravest Threat To The Safety Of America Ever."

2012-01-05T08:36:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because the Fuh King said what he wanted to say.

Ahh, not only is Muir having an attack of the vapors, he's also showing off that fine pseudo-learning of his, repeating terms he's learned second or third hand, and has no real idea what they mean.

But remember--FRANKFURT SCHOOL! Wooooooh!

"It's Just Like The Northern War Of Aggression!"

2012-01-04T09:36:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because King of Castille.

Ahh, states' rights. The eternally vague rallying cry for people who want a fig leaf for their cause.

"And He Probably Wears Diapers Too! Snort!"

2012-01-03T09:16:00.001-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because harmony!

Chris Muir. The last man who should be making fun of the sexual foibles of another. Especially fictitious sexual foibles that he has made up for a man who is far more successful than he will ever be.

"Clearly This Is The Greatest Threat To Our Freedom Since The Last Thing I Got Annoyed About!"

2012-01-02T13:34:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because rats, rats, rats.

Yeah. Remember how Muir could only be bothered to make the occasional concerned noise during the entire Bush administration and even then had no problem with torture as long as it was those filthy brown Muslims?

Of course you do. I just told you.

"I'm Going For The Sexual Predator Vote!"

2012-01-01T08:50:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because red rain.

...

...

Like I needed another reason to vomit on New Year's Day.

"I Believe The Poor Should Be Killed Quickly And Humanely!"

2011-12-31T08:34:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because got such a supple wrist.

We'll know Muir has finally lost it--or whatever remaining stores of 'it' he possesses--if he has Damon win.

"They Are Trying To Suppress The Glorious Newt Gingrich!"

2011-12-30T09:25:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because the Black Death.

Muir's in a tough spot. Ron Paul is the present anti-Romney, but he has a bothersome antiwar record that makes proud miles glorious Muir recoil. And so he is most put out.

"The Average Voter WANTS To Suffer For The Benefit Of The Rich!"

2011-12-29T08:27:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because lemon-flavored.

So clearly, going out of your way to screw people over is VOTER GOLD!

To be fair the GOP has reached an unfortunate (from their POV) dilemma. Their policies are generally unpopular with the populace once they move beyond the slogan phase. But if they continuously cave on them, it alienates the Muirs, who are too stupidcrazy to realize these are bad ideas that would hurt them, and it makes them look weak to the "Independent" voters. And so they choose their poison...

"Why Can't It Be The Light Of Democracy That Iraq Is!"

2011-12-28T10:48:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Fortnum!

And as Muir continues to rant his vaguely racist and exceedingly disgusting statements we see what right-wing talking points morph into in the echo chamber of one rube's skull.

"And Then She'd Give Us All Unicorns!"

2011-12-27T08:15:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because von Oldenburg.

...

Pardon me. I have to go chortle to myself.

"You Should Have Let The Evil Dictators Stay In Power!"

2011-12-26T14:33:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because sugar cookies.

Remember folks--the only real way to give democracy to an Arabic nation is to invade and force it down their throats.

Ah, Muir. Your evil and racism will continue into the future, deluding themselves that they are good.

"Yeah! That's How Crazy And Evil They Are!"

2011-12-25T11:56:00.001-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because hear the angel voices.

...

...

And a Merry Christmas to you, Mr. Grinch.

"I Regularly Shoot Off Beercaps With Them!"

2011-12-24T08:47:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Edward Scissorhands.

Sometimes I wonder how Muir does it all--balances an absolute lack of talent, with an incoherant political philosophy, and his very odd fetishes. And then I realize I have better things to do with my time.

"Silly Skye! We Need To Never Let Wars End! Ever!"

2011-12-23T07:28:00.001-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because na-na-na-na-nah.

And Muir once again forgets how punchlines work.

"How UPPITY Of Him!"

2011-12-22T08:09:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because I've got wise blood like my daddy.

And Muir proceeds to prove the man's point for him. Way to go.

"See! THEY'RE JUST LIKE EACH OTHER!"

2011-12-21T08:52:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because fofonroo.

Ahh, the old Muir standby, 'Strained Analogy Theatre'. It never fails to make we want to tear my hair out. Next up--Muir will show how the war in Iraq IS JUST LIKE a bar fight.

"He's A COMMIE! A Foreign Commie"!

2011-12-20T08:40:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because burning out his fuse up here alone.

Ah, Muir, you evil little dipshit. You really think you know what the hell you're talking about...

"And Then He Turns On His Death Ray!"

2011-12-19T08:44:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because eyesight to the blind.

The worst thing about Muir's Obama is that it bears no resemblence to the man as he is. He's simply a vague embodiment of evil, like the Antichrist of most PMD novels.

I Wonder If This Counts As Disturbing His Bones?

2011-12-18T11:42:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because oh crap.

So, Muir doesn't get government or Shakespeare. Got it.

NOW You're Against This?

2011-12-17T09:17:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because when they say 'America First', they mean 'America Next'.

Obviously, I'm not a big fan of the NDAA--in fact, I hate the damn thing--but I also know that poltics being what they are the chance of the damn thing not passing were... pretty slim. But Muir of course, knows this is Obama's evil masterplan. Never minding that he was cheering--with the occasional moment of sane doubt--as the groundwork that lead us to all this was laid down.

But then, they weren't scary liberals, who hurt Muir's fee-fees.

"Never Have I Seen Such Corruption!"

2011-12-16T10:55:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Jesus Malverde!

...

...

So... remember when Muir was cheerleading torture during the Bush years?

"His Awesomeness Will Overwhelm All Others."

2011-12-15T08:33:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Ahura Mazda.

I hate it when Muir forgets a punchline. Mind you, I also hate it when he remembers to put on in, but when he forgets the strip is always especially awful.

"Why, Chris Muir Could Do It!"

2011-12-14T09:54:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because sing along with the Fifth Dimension.

...

...

And so, it continues. Oh, does it... continue.

"Our Fake Presidency Run Will Change The World!"

2011-12-13T08:12:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because a star is sweetly gleaming.

...

Wow. It's like Pogo, or Bloom County, without the irony.

"Gosh, With This I Can Begin My Movement To End Corruption!"

2011-12-12T11:18:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Babaloo!

Remember when Muir was going on about money laundering a few strips ago? Does he actually know what money laundering involves?

I suspect not.

A Matrix Reference. Now. Huh.

2011-12-11T09:06:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Murcia.

And Muir continues in his rather pathetic delusion that he is one of the awakened few who understand the true reality, and sees the dangerous enemies who are in power. In this he rather resembles his neighbors down in Clearwater, the Scientologists. Though without the goofy space Emperor, which, let's be honest, actually makes Muir less fun. Indeed, reading this, I was struck by how, in this screed against progressives, Muir cannot be bothered to detail a single actual progressive policy. But then, that would require thinking, and Muir doesn't do that. He relies on his astounding instincts, which he is certain have never steered him wrong.

"My Swarthy Father Shall Provide!"

2011-12-10T09:49:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Margaret Sullaven.

Ahh, El Dorado Dad! Just the sort of casual racism this strip needs!

"Why Aren't They Just Going Around Shooting Brown People?"

2011-12-09T10:28:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Days of Days! Because this is a rock.

Yeah. It's obvious they were doing all this to BE ILLEGAL, not to try and figure out how things work and try to trace things back to the moneymen. Nope, nope, nope. It's CORRUPTION, pure and simple.

Real Representation By An Imaginary Black Guy.

2011-12-08T08:39:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because l'Aventura.

...

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm just moving on.

This Is Going To Be Painful.

2011-12-07T09:54:00.001-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because my name is Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective-Lieutenant, Police Squad.

Oh, yay. Just what we need. Muir doing a Pogo...

"I'm The Leading Candidate For The Drunken Asshole Demographic!"

2011-12-06T08:04:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Turgut Reis.

And once again, Muir's Imaginary Black Friend's triumphs over imaginary idiot liberals catapult him to imaginary fame.

The real joke here is that Muir thinks this shows how clever he is.

Muir--Still Failing History!

2011-12-05T08:50:00.001-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because wonderwheel.

Actually, the Roman Republic--which was oligarchic in nature, not democratic--shifted to the Principate largely because of the actions of reactionary Optimates faction, who resisted any and all attempts to reform the nation, insisted their opponents were all trying to become dictators while appointing dictators, and--well, basically whittling down the options of anyone who wanted Rome to work to 'take over in a military coup'.

Of course, the other problem is that the Roman Empire went on to have it's GLORY DAYS during the reign of that despot Muir mentioned. Which is why idiots shouldn't try to use history to back them up. They usually don't know what they're saying.

"I Mean, My Predicative Abilities Are Amoozing!"

2011-12-05T08:37:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because shadows of Yog-Sothoth.

Ahh, yes. How many times has Muir put himself forward as a fine judge of morals, a man with his fingers on the pulse of tomorrow, all while demonstrating himself to be a lout and a bully, and a man who doesn't even know what's going on today?

Pretty much constantly.

"He's A Total Loser!"

2011-12-03T09:00:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because horses for courses.

"Yep--killing Osama bin Ladin, passing a Healthcare plan, overseeing the end of the conflict in Iraq--FAILURE! Also, his tanking of the economy under Bush, through time travel. MASSIVE FAILURE! What we need is that genius of success, Newt Gingrinch to take his place! Because NONE OF THIS IS OUR FAULT!"

"You Is A Bunch A Stinky BABIES!"

2011-12-02T09:32:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because pantheons of the megaverse.

Ahh. Nothing like watching Right-wingers trot out the old canard of how grown-up they are. I mean, denying all responsibility to others, and dreaming about beating random people up--that's adult, right?

"The Cops Have Been Infiltrated! We Can Only Trust Ourselves, And Our Fellow Armed Lunatics!"

2011-12-01T08:45:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because mirror, mirror...

Stupid cops! If they were Real Muricans, they'd demand NOT to have a union. And they'd gun down those OWS guys in the street!

"It's The Apocalypse!"

2011-11-30T08:42:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Leapers!

Silly women! They can't prepare for the upcoming armageddon!

"For The Upcoming Apocalypse, When President Blacula Sends His ACORN Troops Out!"

2011-11-29T08:10:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because my dog has fleas.

...

...

...

You know the horrible thing about this strip is that it posits clearly odd behavior as normal. With no realization that it is doing this.

Ugh.

2011-11-28T11:41:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because bellwhether.

Muir's desire to see brown people dead briefly outweighs his desire to hate the Obama adminstration, though the pair then combine in a manner that is just... sick.

"We're Wired To Be Sexist Pigs, Babe!"

2011-11-27T13:20:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because the Haitian.

...

Only the couch? That man should be out in the backyard.

Says A Fictitious Woman Who Has Never Been Potrayed As Doing Anything That Approaches A Working Class Existence.....

2011-11-26T08:38:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because dum-di-dum.

And so the reactionary snorts in anger over facts that he has gotten wrong. (47% do not pay income taxes--but they do pay payroll and sales taxes, and indeed, through these wind up suffering a disproportinate tax burden.) How dare the poor not SUFFER cheerfully for the benefit of the elite! Clearly they did at our height! (Though in fact, they did not.) When we are willing to let the poor starve again, we will be a great nation once again.

So says the reactionary, foe of the social contract, and living embodiment of decadence.

"Yeah! That's What I'm Talking About!"

2011-11-26T08:28:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because in the middle of the night.

...

...

...

Help.

"See How Progressive I Am! The Woman Can't Cook!"

2011-11-26T08:26:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because in a strange coffee shot.

As I play catch up, allow me to state--beasrs with power tools.

"And If They Take Our Precious, Precious Penis Substitutes..."

2011-11-23T09:28:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Vegetable man.

This is just... sad.

"Why We Could Even Disenfranchise The Poor Again!"

2011-11-22T09:31:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because goofy gears.

Amazing how rightwingers can about face from "The Constitution is sacred and perfect," to "We need a new Constitution!" so quickly, with not even a stop at a more moderate position on the way.

"Thank Goodness Our Children Are Perfect Analogies For The Present Political Situation!"

2011-11-21T10:46:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because I've seen worse.

I'd never thought I'd say this, but poor John Boehner. Imagine plugging away, like a good little party hack, only to get an amazing promotion you never thought was coming--only to be picked apart by your party of backseat drivers. That has to hurt.

Doesn't mean I like the man, mind you.

"Our New Walls of Text Protect You From Reality."

2011-11-20T12:07:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because feeling good, feeling fine, oh, baby, let the music play.

When exactly did American conservatism become a Gnostic religion, waging a ceaseless war against reality? Because if we could pinpoint that moment, we could pinpoint the moment that things in this nation started to go to shit...

The Irony Is Palpable.

2011-11-19T09:24:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because they aimed for his heart.

Of course, Muir continues to insist that NOTHING untoward went on in Iraq during the Bush Administration, a matter that wound up blowing a lot more money, and you know--killling people. And the recession that started under Bush is clearly the fault of Obama. Through time travel. But remember--this teapot tempest is A BIG DEAL!

He Was Great In 'Barry Lyndon'.

2011-11-18T10:48:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Selim the Sot.

I think Muir has got to start limiting his off-panel speakers. He appears to be even confusing himself.

"And That Message--Everyone Else SUCKS!"

2011-11-17T08:52:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Magna Graecae!

Muir is always disappointed when Republicans don't decapitate the debate moderator and start snacking on the body...

"And Then He Whips Out His Schlong And Whizzes On Her!"

2011-11-16T13:16:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Pyrrus of Epirus!

And as Muir enjoys his little fantasy of what the debates should be, we are once again reminded that it's dreadfully unfair of the media to act like Republicans and conservatives are accountable in any way, and that acting in this manner is simply more proof of how biased and unfair they are.

He's Been Turned Into A Newt!

2011-11-15T09:54:00.001-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because mine own.

Awww. Muir's got a new crush. Let's see how long it lasts. And remember folks--'social justice' is EVIL. It would mean that highly successful people like Muir would have to disgorge their millions.

Of course, Muir doesn't have millions, but he's sure he's going to one of these days...

Ummm... No.

2011-11-14T10:29:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Jubjub bird.

And worthless shithead Newt Gingrich demonstrates that he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about to plaudits of shitheads like Muir.

"Walls and Walls of Text!"

2011-11-13T09:47:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because shiny, happy people, holding hands.

Yep! OWS--EVIL! The present Republican candidates--unworthy wimps, who won't bomb France! The world--DOOMED!

"Clinton! Clinton! CLINTON!"

2011-11-12T12:35:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because the sooner state.

Yep. Knew that was coming up, especially after Cain became Muir's substitute Palin. Let's see where this goes, shall we?

"It's A Lie! A Filthy Lie!"

2011-11-11T05:34:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because who was that man? I'd like to shake his hand.

Clearly, Obama is terrified of a black Republican he polls significantly ahead of. And standards are indeed so HIGH for Republicans--Palin is barred--and LOW for Democrats, as they can't be arrested for daring to run!

"It Is Clearly A Plot To Disarm Real Murikans, And Give Their Guns To Mexicans!"

2011-11-10T08:42:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Duke of Orange.

You know, I think one of the reasons that 'Fast and Furious' remains fairly low profile is that is ultimately the sort of murky failure you find in law enforcement, where good intentions, bad planning, and bureaucratic groupthink all collide to create nastiness. Muir really isn't interested in the actual 'Fast and Furious'--he's interested in the make-believe conspiracy by President Blacula to destroy civilization.

"Still Clearly A Big Deal!"

2011-11-09T09:39:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because in hallway ahead.

Yep. Yep. It's a conspiracy. It HAS to be. Yep.

"You Know I'm Shaking Hands With The Bishop!"

2011-11-08T10:17:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Grimace!

...

...

Chris Muir should never, ever talk about masturbation.

"Meat REALLY Is Murder!"

2011-11-07T07:31:00.000-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because chickpea.

Yes, Muir. You and those like you are the tough REAL men, and those opposing you are pathetic and weak. I mean--your fake self is a macho government sniper, and that proves how manly you are!

"See! My Fake Black Conservative Easily Defeats My Fake Idiot White Liberals!"

2011-11-06T13:01:00.001-08:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because angry birds.

Yep. Those stupid untermenschen, believing the lies their leader tells them. Why can't they be like Muir,who knows the truth as revealed by Fox!

"We Thought You Said Penis!"

2011-11-05T10:30:00.000-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because where was I?

You know, the famous SNL sketch "Dick-In-A-Box" is funny not simply because of the constant repetition of the phrase "dick-in-a-box" but because it's a spot-on parody of an entire musical genre and its weird ethos. This is just a bad attempt at a penis joke.

And if I want that, I can always watch Family Guy.

"They Are Vile Hoodlums!"

2011-11-04T09:46:00.000-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because lacrimosa.

Of course, the Media is reporting this, but then to Muir's mind it doesn't count. The Media should be painting the OWS as a horde of lunatics, here to destroy civilization. The Media should be encouraging right-thinking people to head out with shotguns and baseball bats--just to make sure that things stay under control.

Choose Your Poison.

2011-11-03T10:02:00.000-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Augustus!

So Muir charges that Romney is too elitist--by comparing him to an ingredient in a martini.

Let's all enjoy the irony, shall we?

"This Is OBVIOUSLY A Big Deal!"

2011-11-02T07:51:00.000-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Woody Guthrie.

And Muir shall continue to beat his latest pseudo-scandal until only atoms remain. At which point he will beat the ground on which it stood.

"It's Completely Fake! Completely!"

2011-11-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because River Ness.

So, the OWS are, simultaneously, dirty dumb hippies, vile racist Nazis and cunning stalking horses for the evil liberal media. Got it.

I wonder when he'll make them Martians.

"Foolish Puppets Of The Illuminati!"

2011-10-31T09:12:00.000-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Francis the Talking Mule.

"Ha! They are not at all like our genuinely grass-roots corporate-backed Tea Party, and thus, are false!"

"He's A Politician!"

2011-10-30T09:11:00.000-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because old fashioned creme drops.

Ahh, the sweet, sweet sound of circular firing squads. Keep shooting, Muir. Purity of the Party is the true road to victory!

"And The Gremlins! Don't Forget The Gremlins!"

2011-10-29T07:15:00.000-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because the Well of Doom!

Muir? Have you been huffing paint again?

"They Fail To Understand Their Ordained Place In Creation!"

2011-10-28T09:23:00.000-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because the boy and the body.

Why does this sound like the sort of thing you'd hear from a demented serial killer whose keeping a body in the fridge?

"I Have Rented 'War and Peace' And I Will Watch It!"

2011-10-27T08:28:00.001-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because I have reached the eighth level!

You know, Guyovitch reminds me of the Russian Planeteer, whose Russianess consisted of a bad accent and saying 'da' and 'nyet' all the time.

And If Russian Guyovitch Says They're Communists, They Have To Be!

2011-10-26T08:28:00.000-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because who knows?

So Muir's one argument against the Occupy Wall Street is to shout 'Commie, Commie, Commie!' over and over again. Nice.

You know--there's still a Communist Party in Russia. They're actually the second most powerful party in the Duma.

Just mentioning that.

"Yes, Marxists! In The Employ Of Comintern, The Damned Bolshies!"

2011-10-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because your uncle was a great enchanter.

"But you fought for an America where the rich are free to abuse the poor, where the powerless may rest assured that the jackboot of authority will be slammed into their faces for all eternity, where words like 'tyranny' and 'war' mean the same thing as 'liberty' and 'peace'. And where lousy cubist pinup girls loll around in tubs endlessly!"

"They Are Filthy Untermenschen!"

2011-10-24T08:03:00.000-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because the Napoleon of Egypt.

Ahh, Russian Guyovitch returns. Delightful.

Here's Hoping The Late Graham Chapman Rises From The Grave And Kicks His Ass.

2011-10-23T11:54:00.000-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because everybody called him the Fuh King.

Yeah, those weak liberals! They are all sheep, not like those individualistic Right-Wingers, who simply choose to follow the ramblings of Rush and Beck in lockstep.

"Why Can't They Be The Glorious Rainbow That Is The Tea Party?"

2011-10-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because billion dollar babies.

And of course, Muir notes this from the mouth of his imaginary black friend.

"They Also Don't Know They're Part Of An Insidious Conspiracy!"

2011-10-21T09:52:00.000-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because ramble on.

So, they don't know a) a fact that most Americans likely don't; and b) an assertion of nebulous value, and they believe something that, while untrue, is significantly less ridiculous than Muir thinks it is. (But Muir never pays attention to military spending, which he apparently views as magical, serving as no drain on our funds at all.) And so they deserve the scorn of Chris Muir, a man who believes that they are closet Nazis, under the heel of the Jewish conspirator George Soros.

"You Are All Misled! I Know The Truth! It's The Illuminati!"

2011-10-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because horns of dilemma.

Jeez, you'd think if Obama was the diabolical mastermind Muir paints him as we'd be a lot closer to the Socialist dictatorship Muir is certain he is trying to usher in. But this is always the reactionary's great problem--convinced of his opponent's utter depravity, he acts utterly depraved. Convinced that he is facing a gargantuan conspiracy, he forges a conspiracy to fight it. In becoming what he imagines his opponent to be he naturally runs into the problem of reality refusing to match his imaginings--but this only becomes more proof of his enemy's insidious power. And he runs into the problem that real depravity appalls onlookers, and real conspiracies are usually quite obvious. But as the reactionary has the support of much of the powers that be, he can continue sheltered from any severe fallback from his actions. Ultimately, however, things can only end badly. If the reactionary gains control of the government, he generally causes a national collapse. If he continues trying and failing, the constant escalation provokes either a revolution or a crackdown.

The USA, of course, has been lucky, both in its government and its freedom. And yet now, we face a horde of Muirs, men who do not believe in the process, and yet imagine they do.