Monday, August 31, 2009

Almost Like Real Reality.

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because fire when ready, Grimely.

Gosh, this is just like a real town hall. Except that Sam is calmly asking questions instead of screaming about death panels. And the Democrat is acting like a totalitarian instead of impotently trying to answer them. And if Sam were a real teabagger, she'd have attended dozens of these in a miles-wide radius just so she could scream and disrupt them. All at the whims of the Rep--I mean, spontaneously of course.

Chris Muir. He thinks he's smart because he believes everything lying right wing weasels tell him.

"Ve Vill Give You Affordable Healthcare, Mein Lieblings!"

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because do the radio boogie!

So remember--Kennedy had NOTHING to do with a health care bill. (Except that of course, he did.) Health care is evil. (Because the government should want poor people to die.) And Muir is a talented artist. (If by "talented" you mean horrible.)

"See! It's Not Because I'm Lazy!"

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because the sun is the same, in a relative way, but you're older--shorter of breath, and one day closer to death!

Wow. Even when he takes a day off, Muir indulges in his brain dead paranoid delusions.

Friday, August 28, 2009

"The Kennedys Were All Commies! It's True! Jonah Goldberg Says So!"

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because I'm a labor of love in my Persian gloves, whooaa-oohh!

Having piddled on the grave of Ted, Muir follows up by boldly pissing on the graves of John and Bobby. No doubt Martin and Abraham will shortly follow.

Muir. He's dumb. He's crazy. He's fucking worthless.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

"I Piss On Your Grave Ted Kennedy! Isn't That Manly Of Me?"

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because join the revolution--get yourself the Constitution--join the revolution NOW!

Chris Muir, admirer of torturers, fascists, and sociopaths, mocks Ted Kennedy because clearly, anyone with a manslaughter on their heads is irredeemable. If they're liberal.

That fucking worthless chickenshit.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

ARRRGH! No, Muir, That's NOT What Happened!

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because that's why the lady is a tramp.

Again and again, we learn that on the Square Planet, Cash for Clunkers was a failure. This is because Muir is too stupid to know how things work, but thinks he's so smart he knows how they work better than everyone else.

This is also a sign of insanity.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Fuck You, Muir, You Lying Scumbag.

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because do you want to go faster? Raise your hand if you want to go faster!

For eight years, this country had a government that actively undermined our system of government, and indeed, this great nation's wellbeing. And Muir said not a word in protest. In fact, he approved of much of this. And now, when we are finally on the road to recovery, he paints a picture of dangerous fascistic thugs who have seized power and now WANT TO HURT OUR WOMEN.

No, Muir. That's not happening. In fact nothing you claim is happening is actually happening. You are delusional fuckwit, who hates everything that this nation is based on, and thinks he's a patriot because of it. You spit on what made this nation great, and think that makes you a hero. Fuck you, asshole. Your bullshit is just... pathetic.

Monday, August 24, 2009

"I Don't Have To Know Stuff!"

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because I took her by her little brown hand.

Notice that Muir is going out of his way to make the Invisible Democrat a dick--and he still can't disguise the fact that Sam doesn't have an argument worth a shit, or know what the fuck she's talking about.

Logic is For the Weak.

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because I found my freedom--on Blueberry Hill.

Let's go through this...

A) Clash for Clunkers going BROKE in a week is not the same thing as failing. Actually that's one of the signs that it succeeded beyond its creators' wildest expectations.

B) The Stimulus Bill didn't fail, seeing as we were looking at a total economic collapse.

C) The "citizens" are called 'astroturf' because they are being gathered together instructed, and encouraged by Republican political groups.

D) The teabaggers wouldn't be so loathed if they didn't show up, shout out actual discussion, and occasionally carry rifles.

E) Sam thinks she is reasonable, and represents most Americans. Neither is true. In fact, she is a walking timebomb of delusion.

"You Are Entering A Dimension Not of Reason Or Accountability"...

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Oliver's Army is on their way.

So remember--questionable claims about SEIU based on a shaky account and a lot of lunatic conjecture--important. Teabaggers with rifles--unimportant.

Chris Muir--Paranoid, self-righteous piece of shit.

Friday, August 21, 2009

It's Like Muir Sent Out a Casting Call For 'No Exit'...

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because the little things you say and do make me fall in love with you.



Thursday, August 20, 2009

"Fuck You, Benjamen Franklin!"

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because we reserve the right to refuse service.

Of course, the USPS is only going bankrupt because a Republican President semi-privatized it, but, hey, let's overlook that. Let's overlook how well it generally works. Let's also overlook how it was something our founding founders thought our government should do. Let's do all this because we are obnoxious shitheads who are opposed to the fundamental principles of our government while brainlessly mouthing on about "patriotism" and "capitalism", neither of which we really understand.

Sometimes, Muir doesn't even manage the pretence of giving a fuck about this country. At times like that, I really start to hate him.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

"All of It Completely Unwarranted! Trust Me!"

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because particle man, particle man, doin' the things a particle can.

Gosh. Why would anyone ever accuse the right wing of such things?

Oh, yeah. That's why.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Lies, Damned Lies, and...

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because jumping Jehosphat!

Of course it's more like "32% are vaguely nervous about the plan while knowing nothing about it, and being misled by the 20% of the country that it is completely insane", but hey, that doesn't matter, does it? Remember--Obama is a racist, just like every black man who doesn't understand that white people are just better.

Monday, August 17, 2009

It'd Be Simply Pathetic, If It Weren't Also Obnoxious.

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because halt!

Ahh, yes. The fact that a terrible right-wing webcomic can get funding OVER THE INTERNET is PROOF that liberalism's days are numbered.

"When Ideological Purity Is Reached, Then Will the Way Be Cleared!"

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because you've won me, you've won me, my lord!

Ahh, yes. It's fun to see the rabid dogs turning on each other. But also, damned creepy.

"Professionalism Is a Sign of the Devil."

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because away on a hill, on the foggy mountain side.

Muir demonstrates the integrity of his nonexistant fictional conservatives.

And, yes, in the real world, most protesters are the catspaws of various right-wing organizations who tell them that disrupting the town halls is their patriotic duty, but hey we're on the Square Planet.

Friday, August 14, 2009

"Answer Me, You Uppity Coon!"

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because take out the papers and the trash!

Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee maintains she was on the Congressional Hotline to get more detailed information to answer the woman. Whether or not that's true, this issue has that nice dose of entitlement and racism that makes the right-wing such a joy to behold.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

"Also, My Plans To Blow Up the Socialist-Seized Capital Building!"

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because I know you are, but what am I?

In the real world, town hall "protesters" have carried monkey dolls labelled as "Obama", made bizarre claims about "death panels", and shouted through discussions, all of which fits the "rabid right-winger" mold pretty well. But in the Dayverse, this is all a misconception on the liberals' part.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

"Taking It As A Given That The Illuminati Wanted Kennedy Dead..."

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because GILLIGAN!

Say, folks, how do make some people buy your ridiculous, racist conspiracy theories? You act as if EVERYONE accepts them as true, which can make some people treat them as a fact.

Of course, they still aren't actually true, but you can't win them all.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Better Response: "Sam, Are You Taking Your Meds?"

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because is you is, or is you ain't my baby?

Muir thinks he is writing a satire on what is actually happening in America today. Chris Muir is actually writing a bizarre rant set in the paranoid fantasy world hard right-wingers believe in. None of what he says is happening is happening. A casual look at current events will demonstrate this. But Muir thinks believing this nonsense makes him smarter than the rest of us.

And once I start All Our Yesterdays up again, I will once again have to deal with him whistling past the graveyard as Bush and Cheney piss on the Constitution.

Monday, August 10, 2009

"Solving Problems is Evil!"

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because John Hardy was a desperate little man.

Sam believes her massive paranoia, pathetic political knowledge, and background racism show what a good political critic she is.

The Awful Security Guard

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because make the pie higher!

And now, a brief sketch--the Awful Security Guard.

A house lays burning in the background. Whitey McCracker , a fat man in a security guard outfit is cheerfully chatting with John and Jane Q. Public , both weeping and covered in soot and blood. Jane is lying on the ground.

WHITEY: Well, golly, Mr. Public, are you sure Mr. Tree did this? He seemed like such a nice fellow.

JOHN: Yes! He assaulted my wife, stole our belongings, and burnt down our house. Why the hell did you let him in?

WHITEY: He seemed like a nice guy! I think you're mistaken. It couldn't be Mr. Tree. Just couldn't be.

JANE: (bursts out crying) Oh, God John ! We've lost everything!

JOHN: I know, Jane. I know. Just--try to stay calm.

JANE: My--legs. John--my legs are getting cold.

JOHN: I think I hear the ambulance coming.

The ambulance rolls up. Out comes Dr. Mbutu, a black man, with a team of paramedics.

MBUTU: All right where is the patient...?

Whitey scowls, and raises his pistol.

WHITEY: Stop right there! And put your hands where I can see them!

MBUTU: Wha--there's a wounded patient here...

Whitey shoots Mbutu.

WHITEY: HA! Think I'm fallin' for that ol' trick? You clearly are a white slaver who wants to take Mrs. Public back to Darkest Africa and make her a sex slave.

Mbutu lying bleeding on the ground, stares at him, baffled.

MBUTU: I'm a DOCTOR! This woman needs TREATMENT! If I don't help her she might DIE! And you--SHOT ME!

WHITEY: Heh. A likely story.

JOHN: Whitey! Please! He's telling my truth. My wife is in trouble thanks to you, and NOW YOU WON'T EVEN LET ME HELP HER!

WHITEY: 'Nuff of your sass.

Whitey pistolwhips him, causing John to collapse on the ground. Whitey strikes a pose as behind the fire spreads.

WHITEY: I'm keeping this place safe from all the bad folks who would destory it. So if any of you damned white van people take another step, I'll blow your fucking head off.

A jaunty tune begins.

VOICEOVER: Whitey--Whitey McCracker--Republican Security Guard!

WHITEY: Thank you, magic voice man!

VOICEOVER: No problem, Whitey!

Oooh, Boy.

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your home on the wedding day of your daughter. And may their first child be a masculine child.

Yeah. Remember when we had a President who was locking up American citizens of vague pretexts? Like last year? The guy Muir liked? Most people in this situation, learn that they don't know what the fuck they're talking about. Crazies decide that they are even more right.

Friday, August 7, 2009

"Just Because I Hate The Darkies Is No Reason To Call Me A Racist!"

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because hootenanny!

So, painting Obama as The Dark Knight's Joker--a murderous nihlistic anarchist--depicts his essence--if you believe him to be an authoritarian Marxist/Islamist/Fascist.

Welll, coherance never was the Right's strongest trait.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

False Equivalency--The Weapon of Morons!

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because feared by the bad--loved by the good.

Of course, it actually took several years of misrule for Bush's criticism to reach a fever pitch, and Palin's mockery started when people realized she was a vain twit who was massively underqualified for her job, while the right wing's criticism of Obama has been hysterical from the get-go and not based on his actions so much as an intentional misreading of said actions. But hey, that doesn't matter on the square planet. The right holds the power and the truth, even if the last eight years were an unmitigated disaster.

And the fact that Bush causing the problems we face now is what made people criticize him--well, that's just fool's talk. It's treason to criticize a president, when he's a conservative Republican. Everybody knows that.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


It's the Day's Day of Days! Because The Grasshopper Lies Heavy.

Ahh, yes. Angry hicks screaming about socialism, Mexicans and Obama's birth certificate indicate massive, well-educated populist unrest. Mmm-hmmm. Right.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Chockfull of Nuts. Really, Stupid Nuts.

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Jesse James we understand has killed many a man--he robbed the Glendale Train--he stole from the rich--he gave to the poor--he had a hand, a heart and a brain.

Okay, Muir--you don't what socialism is, which is why you're confusing it with Keynesian capitalism. And you don't know what capitalism is, which is why you're confusing it with plutocracy. All of which causes me to ask if you know what your ass is, and how it's different from a hole in the ground.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Boy, That Obama Administration! What a Bunch of Rubes!

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because I only want to see you laughing in the purple rain.

Ah. A Geithner joke. Guess it's been a slow day.

She Also Wasn't In Dangerous Liasons.

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because he won the lottery by being born.

So--Obama is like an evil French aristocrat for trying to get people health care and raising taxes on the rich. The Tea Parties, a pathetic failure from the start that have only been growing more pathetic since then, are the voice of true Americans. Up is down, and down is up.

"You're Not Getting Your Soul Back, Tom."

It's the Day's Day of Days! Because Inspector Clay is dead--murdered--and SOMEONE is responsible!

Barack Obama's effort to win over the common man shall fail, for he is false, as opposed to that blue-blooded man of the people, George W. Bush!